I knew this was going to be a late post. Sorry to those avid post-watchers. You are few yet many to me. If that makes sense. It probably doesn't. It's about 2am right now, I'm looking forward to the little shut-eye that I will get. So next time I go to Stony Brook to "hang out" with people - I need to realize that everyone is in class. That's ok though - Border's bookstore has always welcomed me with open arms. And to Border's I went searching for a book to capture my soul and take me away or perhaps dig deep and challenge me. Challenge me it did! I'm low on funds so I couldn't buy it, its the whole "no job" thing. Gets the best of me sometimes. This just hit me while I was driving to Stony Brook. A lot of people have been asking me why I'm taking this time off. The best "common" answer I can give is simply that I can. And that I need to discover what else is out there. I started thinking about all the time we put into work and school and then all the time left for ourselves and this is where my days lesson stemmed....
Before I get into that I do want to point out something that struck my eye while reading Donald Miller's "Searching for God knows what". This is paraphrased in some of my own words from his book and I don't wish to add much onto it already because I feel like it is self explanatory. Here goes. Ready? "[we have a basic human need to discover our identity. It is rooted in our friendships, relationships, in what we do and the content of our conversations. It seems like every human has a need for something outside ourselves to tell us who we are or what we are all about. We lift ourselves up because it is what gives us our value. But it is not going to be others that grant that to us. It is going to be and CAN ONLY be God ]"
Back to what I was saying - we give and give and give part of ourselves to work/school/WHATEVER else! Here is where we run into the problem - if we keep giving don't we eventually run out or burn out? what are we doing to recover that part of ourselves that we continue to give away? How do we recapture that? How are we okay with losing that? We are losing ourselves and not feeling it. We are trapped in a hopeless whirlwind of solitude and we won't even try to reach out. Slowly disappearing we refuse to be re-drawn. We refuse to be re-drawn.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
DAY.SEVEN> "This Is It"
Today was the first day with a sufficient amount of downtime. I felt more tired than normal as i paced up and down the stairs back and forth from the kitchen trying to decide whether I am hungry or not. I learned structure today. I realized I have not been and never want to sleep in past 9 or 10 at the latest. I know it seems late, and it is! But to someone who has the opportunity to sleep until 12, it is still fairly early. From the time I wake up until 12 or 1 I want to have breakfast - preferably a cereal of some sort or IHOP, I'm in love with IHOP. I also want to finish up whatever quick errands I have, go for a 1-2 mile run and then be back and ready to go. I got that today. It was a good start.
My lesson today was twofold. I had some car stuff to take care of. I went to my mechanic, driving in the merciless patternless rainfall and was waiting outside because I simply chose to. I was standing there looking at this dark green/teal-ish '92 camry - so simple yet sturdy in design and I was reminded of my first car. After being reminded, I suddenly realized that WAS my car! I sold this car to my mechanic and he re-sold it after some work being done to it and it was back for service. This car brought back memories and it got me thinking..
But before I go into that, opening day of MJ's movie "This Is It." I went to see it with my brother who is a huge fan, and one of his friends. It was more than I expected. In its honesty and candor it should be well noted. But for it's debut, it's marketing, and it's content it should be praised. I have a new appreciation for MJ and his life and music. An honest and caring man, just doing his part to make a change in this world. I sound brainwashed, but I'm not. I simply choose to follow the facts rather than the media. He said that life should be an adventure, and that it takes a lot of endurance, and love. I believe it whole-heartedly. I started to think about that phrase.
So with the car I realized that all good things CAN come to an end, but that is only because new things need to begin. If we are not willing to let go of the past, then what chance do we even have at the future? We think we know what is best because we believe it is what we have now. What if the fact that we only use 10% of our brain meant something to us? All I'm saying is that I realized how important it is to understand that change is a constant part of life and we are given two options. The option to reject the change and desperately and hopelessly hold on to the old things or the option to say Ok, I'm ready - Let's GO!
Here's where the connection comes in. I think life really is supposed to be an adventure. I don't think the fact that billions of people exist here with thousands of animals and languages is an accident. I don't think the fact that there are mountains and canyons, streams and waterfalls, deserts and tundras mean that we are supposed to be still. There is a world outside our own waiting for us, waiting to be taken. We are slow to act and even slower to react. The universe is waiting for us and here we are stuck in. How dare we limit ourselves. Are we LIVING life or GETTING THROUGH life? There's a big difference.
My lesson today was twofold. I had some car stuff to take care of. I went to my mechanic, driving in the merciless patternless rainfall and was waiting outside because I simply chose to. I was standing there looking at this dark green/teal-ish '92 camry - so simple yet sturdy in design and I was reminded of my first car. After being reminded, I suddenly realized that WAS my car! I sold this car to my mechanic and he re-sold it after some work being done to it and it was back for service. This car brought back memories and it got me thinking..
But before I go into that, opening day of MJ's movie "This Is It." I went to see it with my brother who is a huge fan, and one of his friends. It was more than I expected. In its honesty and candor it should be well noted. But for it's debut, it's marketing, and it's content it should be praised. I have a new appreciation for MJ and his life and music. An honest and caring man, just doing his part to make a change in this world. I sound brainwashed, but I'm not. I simply choose to follow the facts rather than the media. He said that life should be an adventure, and that it takes a lot of endurance, and love. I believe it whole-heartedly. I started to think about that phrase.
So with the car I realized that all good things CAN come to an end, but that is only because new things need to begin. If we are not willing to let go of the past, then what chance do we even have at the future? We think we know what is best because we believe it is what we have now. What if the fact that we only use 10% of our brain meant something to us? All I'm saying is that I realized how important it is to understand that change is a constant part of life and we are given two options. The option to reject the change and desperately and hopelessly hold on to the old things or the option to say Ok, I'm ready - Let's GO!
Here's where the connection comes in. I think life really is supposed to be an adventure. I don't think the fact that billions of people exist here with thousands of animals and languages is an accident. I don't think the fact that there are mountains and canyons, streams and waterfalls, deserts and tundras mean that we are supposed to be still. There is a world outside our own waiting for us, waiting to be taken. We are slow to act and even slower to react. The universe is waiting for us and here we are stuck in
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
DAY.SIX> Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall...
Been a pretty cool day today. I saw how it was outside but I hardly remember it. I'm sure it was different. This whole week I've noticed has been sort of up and down with weather. It's all the same I suppose at this time of year. I realized a lot today. For one, I noticed that people have a lot to share. There is nothing like listening to someone talk about something they love. I saw this today. When another person is talking about something they are passionate about, watch their eyes light up and their entire persona come alive. It really is an amazing thing. It makes me want to find out what everyone I meet is all about, what each and every one of them indeed do love. Notice their gestures, the flow of the words out of their mouths, not intended to miss a beat - like time is racing against them and they have only a few minutes left to get it all out.
I was talking with a group of people today. And talking in a group of people I feel can be a different experience for each of them. I tend to listen a lot more than I talk in groups whereas one on one I'd probably talk more than I listen.. usually at least. It's always fun to watch how various people address a group though, in groups I feel there is always some type of urgency when something important is being talked about, which is good. Anyway, we were discussing a situation in where we would all have to pick between two choices - starting all over and pressing the restart button, or picking up the pieces from what was left. And this is what I was thinking..
When we dealt with the option of if we could "pick up the pieces", I think the one thing we realized was that there were no pieces left to pick up. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall... blah blah.. couldn't put Humpty together again. What if in this case, Humpty was an idea? I know its weird but maybe certain things in life are not meant to be pieced back together. In tragedy, in unexpected loss, in life and love perhaps there is a point where we are not supposed to try to piece things together again because they are too far removed. What if sometimes we really are supposed to hit the restart button on whatever we are trying to fix? Starting fresh with new ideas, a new perspective, and a new take on how to go about things on a day to day moment to moment basis. Maybe we can forget about the pieces and start re-thinking the big picture. Let's stop trying to put together a 1,000 piece puzzle when there are obviously pieces missing and strive to make a new puzzle, in which we get to pick and choose the amount of pieces that exist and what those pieces look like. Well, that's all for now. I think this post was late.
I was talking with a group of people today. And talking in a group of people I feel can be a different experience for each of them. I tend to listen a lot more than I talk in groups whereas one on one I'd probably talk more than I listen.. usually at least. It's always fun to watch how various people address a group though, in groups I feel there is always some type of urgency when something important is being talked about, which is good. Anyway, we were discussing a situation in where we would all have to pick between two choices - starting all over and pressing the restart button, or picking up the pieces from what was left. And this is what I was thinking..
When we dealt with the option of if we could "pick up the pieces", I think the one thing we realized was that there were no pieces left to pick up. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall... blah blah.. couldn't put Humpty together again. What if in this case, Humpty was an idea? I know its weird but maybe certain things in life are not meant to be pieced back together. In tragedy, in unexpected loss, in life and love perhaps there is a point where we are not supposed to try to piece things together again because they are too far removed. What if sometimes we really are supposed to hit the restart button on whatever we are trying to fix? Starting fresh with new ideas, a new perspective, and a new take on how to go about things on a day to day moment to moment basis. Maybe we can forget about the pieces and start re-thinking the big picture. Let's stop trying to put together a 1,000 piece puzzle when there are obviously pieces missing and strive to make a new puzzle, in which we get to pick and choose the amount of pieces that exist and what those pieces look like. Well, that's all for now. I think this post was late.
Monday, October 26, 2009
DAY.FIVE> Genie in a bottle
You're probably wondering about the title of this post. Well, so am I. I'm sure we'll figure it out by the end of this. Five days deep, we seem to be still going strong. Every day continues to bring a new and inspired sense of direction along with an elevated sense of adventure. I was thinking earlier today - is this what I've always wanted to do? Is it everything that I had imagined it to be? Well, if I imagined freedom, an open road, endless possibilities and indulging in those one by one? And if it entailed newness of life and great conversations then well yes. It is what I imagined it to be.
In an average day, people say the phrase "I wish" a lot more often than you would think. Start paying attention to the "I wishes" you encounter everyday. "I wish i could go out tonight"/"I wish i could have done better"/"I wish i knew that"/"I wish i got the job"/"I wish I could do that". LET's focus on the last one for a second - I've been hearing that one a lot lately, can you figure out why? Well I don't feel like going into too much detail about it but it kind of got me thinking.
What if all this wishing came true? A genie is known to grant three wishes. I was wondering.. what if I could come to a point in my life when I finally encountered this genie and when asked for what I wished for, I stood silently partly in awe of the fact that I had found a genie! And partly dumbfounded looking for words to describe what I wished for - when I realized that everything I wanted was here and complete. Everything I had wished for, I had gone out and taken?
Wouldn't that be amazing if you and I could spend our lives starting from this day making things happen instead of wishing they happened? You know, I've come to believe and my belief has solidified in the reality of the fact that the good things in this life were never meant to just happen, but that they are a result of positive and consistent action on our part.
In an average day, people say the phrase "I wish" a lot more often than you would think. Start paying attention to the "I wishes" you encounter everyday. "I wish i could go out tonight"/"I wish i could have done better"/"I wish i knew that"/"I wish i got the job"/"I wish I could do that". LET's focus on the last one for a second - I've been hearing that one a lot lately, can you figure out why? Well I don't feel like going into too much detail about it but it kind of got me thinking.
What if all this wishing came true? A genie is known to grant three wishes. I was wondering.. what if I could come to a point in my life when I finally encountered this genie and when asked for what I wished for, I stood silently partly in awe of the fact that I had found a genie! And partly dumbfounded looking for words to describe what I wished for - when I realized that everything I wanted was here and complete. Everything I had wished for, I had gone out and taken?
Wouldn't that be amazing if you and I could spend our lives starting from this day making things happen instead of wishing they happened? You know, I've come to believe and my belief has solidified in the reality of the fact that the good things in this life were never meant to just happen, but that they are a result of positive and consistent action on our part.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
DAY.FOUR> Cohesion!! (High School AP BIO)
Sunday is church day. Plain and simple. I have a traditional service in the morning that I am obligated to go to and then one of my choice at night, I have been going to Centerpoint in Bellmore. It's great - solid music, message, and people. There is a lake right outside the church on Merrick road I've sat at before. I think something about water just fascinates me. I mean God had to LOVE it too if - what is it 70% of the world - is covered with water? When it is raging it is obvious how much damage it can do but when it is still - the power is still there, I can really feel it. It's a simple reality really. So many forms - rain, lakes, oceans, showers, tap water, list can go on. Here is what I was thinking though.
The powerful cohesion of water - together it is so powerful it can carve a path through MOUNTAINS AND STONE ex through the grand canyon, many other places in the world? Like what? well..google it. It's a little something called Erosion. If you don't know what that is well, to be honest I'm really talking to people over 13 years and older here. I'm sorry. So back to this concept - together so powerful, alone so simple. I sit in my car as it rains and watch the water from my windshield form its own identity. It does not care that it is one drop. It is determined to make more of itself by adding more and more to itself and in turn becoming something bigger, with more meaning perhaps - a force to be reckoned with!
Get where I am going yet? I don't think that just because we don't THINK we can do something we shouldn't do it. I think everything is worth a try. I used to have a philosophy that I'd do anything once - my friend introduced me to one that made me want to change that statement to I'll try anything at least twice. Give your situation/cause/drama/relationship a chance - we can't change the world overnight. But we can't give up on these things. They are too important.
I was at the beach today too, and yes - I know it is the end of October. I manned up. What I ended today with was that water is a powerful force. It can teach us a lot. But save yourself the trouble and remember to remind yourself that we have the potential to be the ocean, rapids, the river, the lake, or just the puddle. Which one are you now? Which one do you want to be?
The powerful cohesion of water - together it is so powerful it can carve a path through MOUNTAINS AND STONE ex through the grand canyon, many other places in the world? Like what? well..google it. It's a little something called Erosion. If you don't know what that is well, to be honest I'm really talking to people over 13 years and older here. I'm sorry. So back to this concept - together so powerful, alone so simple. I sit in my car as it rains and watch the water from my windshield form its own identity. It does not care that it is one drop. It is determined to make more of itself by adding more and more to itself and in turn becoming something bigger, with more meaning perhaps - a force to be reckoned with!
Get where I am going yet? I don't think that just because we don't THINK we can do something we shouldn't do it. I think everything is worth a try. I used to have a philosophy that I'd do anything once - my friend introduced me to one that made me want to change that statement to I'll try anything at least twice. Give your situation/cause/drama/relationship a chance - we can't change the world overnight. But we can't give up on these things. They are too important.
I was at the beach today too, and yes - I know it is the end of October. I manned up. What I ended today with was that water is a powerful force. It can teach us a lot. But save yourself the trouble and remember to remind yourself that we have the potential to be the ocean, rapids, the river, the lake, or just the puddle. Which one are you now? Which one do you want to be?
Saturday, October 24, 2009
DAY.THREE> Eagles and Emus and Bears, OH MY!
So fairly consistent day three going on here. Got back to NY at about 7am this morning after a night of driving/sleeping (yes while pulled over).. slept for about two hours but who wants to sleep on a Saturday? I know I don't!! Or so i convinced myself. Up and running by 9am headed over to a park. This wasn't an ordinary park. We were going as a group from Stony Brook for one of my closest and dearest friends birthday party. This was an "ecological preserve". I know what you're thinking - what the heck is that?? Well I'm still not too sure yet - but it is well worth the trek out east!
Isn't it cool how one park can be so hidden from man and such a well kept secret from people in community living right next to each other? If you were to be at this park I think you'd agree that this is something you can pass on!! Covering acres and acres of land, it owns to its self a hiking trail about a mile to the top of a hill that overlooks the park itself, a pool, gazebos, and even a walkthrough zoo-type situation.
I'm not a gung-ho animal preservation rights specialist by any means but I must say what they seemed to be doing here was quite spectacular. First of all, the entire park is free. From parking to pools to the zoo! Animals hurt lost or abandoned taken in and cared for. I looked at all of them big and small and that is where my lesson came from.
These creatures are God's creation! They are so beautiful. Each one unique and mystifying in it's own essence. Our presence excited some scared others. If I may draw the parallel here - if animals can do that to us, and still seem content and curious, why on earth are WE as individuals not necessarily as unique and mystifying as they? Meaning - what about me, what about you sets us apart from everybody else? What is one thing we are proud to call our own? An accomplishment? a skill set? A state of mind/being? What is it?? If we don't know it then why not?
As we walked through, we saw the goats, were drawn to the llamas, and were in awe of the bald eagle that despite some spoken beliefs, are indeed found across the states, not just new jersey. The bear was calm and the bull looked fierce. Each one had something to offer the animal world and in that, the completion became perfect. Nature took its course as each one carried out its part in doing whatever they did best.
We are meant to stand hands held high in realization of what we are. Different is new, different is good. Different needs to be done. And I'll sign off by saying that I DARE YOU to be nothing but YOURSELF today. Let's stop hiding in shadows, lurking in the darkness. Do we dare stand out? Stand out and look at what that does for you, for others... Time to be free and be a part of the perfection that is before us.
Isn't it cool how one park can be so hidden from man and such a well kept secret from people in community living right next to each other? If you were to be at this park I think you'd agree that this is something you can pass on!! Covering acres and acres of land, it owns to its self a hiking trail about a mile to the top of a hill that overlooks the park itself, a pool, gazebos, and even a walkthrough zoo-type situation.
I'm not a gung-ho animal preservation rights specialist by any means but I must say what they seemed to be doing here was quite spectacular. First of all, the entire park is free. From parking to pools to the zoo! Animals hurt lost or abandoned taken in and cared for. I looked at all of them big and small and that is where my lesson came from.
These creatures are God's creation! They are so beautiful. Each one unique and mystifying in it's own essence. Our presence excited some scared others. If I may draw the parallel here - if animals can do that to us, and still seem content and curious, why on earth are WE as individuals not necessarily as unique and mystifying as they? Meaning - what about me, what about you sets us apart from everybody else? What is one thing we are proud to call our own? An accomplishment? a skill set? A state of mind/being? What is it?? If we don't know it then why not?
As we walked through, we saw the goats, were drawn to the llamas, and were in awe of the bald eagle that despite some spoken beliefs, are indeed found across the states, not just new jersey. The bear was calm and the bull looked fierce. Each one had something to offer the animal world and in that, the completion became perfect. Nature took its course as each one carried out its part in doing whatever they did best.
We are meant to stand hands held high in realization of what we are. Different is new, different is good. Different needs to be done. And I'll sign off by saying that I DARE YOU to be nothing but YOURSELF today. Let's stop hiding in shadows, lurking in the darkness. Do we dare stand out? Stand out and look at what that does for you, for others... Time to be free and be a part of the perfection that is before us.
Friday, October 23, 2009
DAY.TWO> Hayrides and Pumpkin picking
Second day of this journey and its all warm-hearted laughs and un-faked smiles. A group of 7. We knew there was a concert to go to at night which was sure to be a hit but instead of packing the day out with a ton of routine activities, I was invited to go for a hayride and go pumpkin picking. Corny? Yea well I thought so too for a second but I mean thousands of people can' possibly be wrong right? They weren't. We threw on our hoodies, pretended that was enough, and ignored the drizzle as we made our way into a corn maize with the subtle subconscious intent to get lost in it. Why did we want to get lost in it? Hmm...
And get lost we did, escaping just in time to catch the hayride. Well, it was more of just a ride. The hay was non-existent. Going over to the pumpkin fields I thought about how simple this day was and how much it meant to each of us. I thought that if something like this could bring the most real smiles out to the surface and if we could ignore the cold because we absolutely loved the presence of one-anothers company then why couldn't every single day be lived with the intention of enjoying the simplicities of life placed before us in the oddest of ways and times?
We gazed over pumpkins big and small and fought over how they were grown. I claimed my mom had a pumpkin patch in our backyard and was dismissed as a loon. (It IS true, however!) After we each found the "perfect" one, we departed and enjoyed every step that led us back to the warm suv - meant to seat 5, now seating 7. Body heat is under-rated.
I think we all need something to get lost in. I think our souls long for something deeper, more meaningful, and more eternal than the pleasures we sink our teeth into on a day to day basis. I think we long to be somewhere else because it is inherent in us to believe that we are indeed meant for something more - that we are indeed just travelers on this world. What would it look like to be "in this world but not of it?"
And get lost we did, escaping just in time to catch the hayride. Well, it was more of just a ride. The hay was non-existent. Going over to the pumpkin fields I thought about how simple this day was and how much it meant to each of us. I thought that if something like this could bring the most real smiles out to the surface and if we could ignore the cold because we absolutely loved the presence of one-anothers company then why couldn't every single day be lived with the intention of enjoying the simplicities of life placed before us in the oddest of ways and times?
We gazed over pumpkins big and small and fought over how they were grown. I claimed my mom had a pumpkin patch in our backyard and was dismissed as a loon. (It IS true, however!) After we each found the "perfect" one, we departed and enjoyed every step that led us back to the warm suv - meant to seat 5, now seating 7. Body heat is under-rated.
I think we all need something to get lost in. I think our souls long for something deeper, more meaningful, and more eternal than the pleasures we sink our teeth into on a day to day basis. I think we long to be somewhere else because it is inherent in us to believe that we are indeed meant for something more - that we are indeed just travelers on this world. What would it look like to be "in this world but not of it?"
DAY.ONE> Life on the open road
So I'm starting this blog because well, I can! I have time on my hands which is something we usually don't have right? Quit my job and I'm on the move, I'm on a search. I don't believe that you can't have a job that you cant love. I don't believe you need to settle for anything less than something that you can wake up and want to do everyday. This is my first day off and my first actual "vacation" if we can call it that, in a while.
I'm on the road today to Philly to visit a couple of close friends. Why some of my closest friends are in Philly is a whole different story. Life is good here - the air is crisp, my windows are rolled down, and the setting sun illuminates the darkest parts of the clouds, giving them light in all different shades. The scenery is breathtaking, but perhaps not in conventional ways. Maybe there are some things we take for granted that have stopped giving us a sense of awe. I wonder how we can re-ignite those senses...
It was a quick three hour drive with music from David Crowder, to Michael Buble and even Paramore. New music is certainly addicting. I enjoyed the ride as I got into the town and noticed that while I have always loved and will always love NYC because of the variety and diversity, maybe Philly had something to offer as well - I had seen it plenty of times before but something was a little different about this time. It seemed more friendly, more quaint, more toned-down. Whatever it was, I was happy to be there.
Going back to our sense of awe, I heard a quote which I really liked and it has been a big influence on my thought process and that is "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away."
I'm on the road today to Philly to visit a couple of close friends. Why some of my closest friends are in Philly is a whole different story. Life is good here - the air is crisp, my windows are rolled down, and the setting sun illuminates the darkest parts of the clouds, giving them light in all different shades. The scenery is breathtaking, but perhaps not in conventional ways. Maybe there are some things we take for granted that have stopped giving us a sense of awe. I wonder how we can re-ignite those senses...
It was a quick three hour drive with music from David Crowder, to Michael Buble and even Paramore. New music is certainly addicting. I enjoyed the ride as I got into the town and noticed that while I have always loved and will always love NYC because of the variety and diversity, maybe Philly had something to offer as well - I had seen it plenty of times before but something was a little different about this time. It seemed more friendly, more quaint, more toned-down. Whatever it was, I was happy to be there.
Going back to our sense of awe, I heard a quote which I really liked and it has been a big influence on my thought process and that is "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away."
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